I think god has spoken to me on yesterday night!
Incident was inspired by a huge dark old cockroach that was flying weakly around the corner of my room and yes that happened in the middle of the night while I’m supposed to sleep.
For those who are really close to me will know that when it comes to this thing called cockroach, and that would be the end of my world! Yes, I’m deathly scared of this little yet disgusting creature!
At that moment, I’ve stupidly gone to make an S.O.S call that make me look even more stupid-est than before. Since no one else can help during call and there is no one else physically there also and while I was so fuck afraid at that time and all I wanted to do is to kill the little silly thing to ease my uneasy heart!
So here the only one thing that I can really rely on is Jesus! I kept on praying that the cockroach don’t fly towards me and keep searching and spotting for it and at the very right time I’ve just putted a very heavy hit on that unwanted creature!
After a hit of few times and it was still managed to move a bit and this time really pissed me off and I kept hitting on it until it has become all flatted! This time I make sure it really dies and I can have a good night sleep. Why la suddenly I have become so bravo a girl?
Although it has died there yet I don’t feel good at all. The “body” still being there, and the timid me not even dare to open up the newspaper and to throw that little thing away. Suddenly the bravo feeling has all gone. That’s how sad to stay home alone =’(
I remembered there is one time at the mid night as well, me and brother saw the cockroach and both shouting at each and running over the house until our mom has awake and see what is happening. After that mom sort of saying this to me, : “ how are you going to survive alone without us?” Yesterday, I’ve totally miss mom and home so much that I went to bed with tears and fear inside me. I just hate to be alone!
I’ve committed my night to the prayer. That’s really the one thing I can do. God has spoken to me that : “I will granted you the courage to protect yourself when you’re in fear! So don’t be afraid of anything. Human can do great when they are in dangerous and to do self-protection and I’m with you, all the time.”
The other message from HIM, that is “Some people though they said they care but in fact they don’t really have the heart to care about every single thing. They are too busy to care about your feeling while they have theirs to cope. Forgive them. Though you’re disappointed yet nobody is responsible for your own happiness. Don’t blame and just walked off. You gotta work it out for your own happiness. So for now, I’ve guided you the way you supposed to go and you go choice for your happiness. To learn to love yourself first before you want others to love you!”
Those phrases above really clear part of my doubt as I’ve been praying for this for so long and finally I get to see some. I hope to hear from FATHER soon in the coming days as I would really wanted to be a doubt-free person. After all, I'm not a good decision maker!
And thanks for the reminded from the prince of a cup of warm water to calm the uneasy heart before going to bed. (that’s a very useful tip!)
p.s. Ironically the cockroach has died and heart is dying too.
