Mist of confusion #

21.12.12 has passed and it means that we have survived the "end of the world"!

Anyway, "end of the world never bothered me a bit, the thing I concern about is whether

HAVE I MAKING THE WRONG PICK?!

Dear Lord, before the coming of this Christmas, I just wanna ask Jesus A question, have I really making the right pick OR NOT? Could you please send Santa Claus to deliver a RIGHT answer for me on this Christmas? 

为你戴上幸福 ～

在这花花世界里，有多少人拥有了幸福？然而幸福又是什么？

幸福对我而言就是，能够让人笑，让人感动的，就是幸福！

可以说，多数的朋友都娶嫁了，然而当中令我感到很感人的是这一对。。

他不是富有人家的白马王子，她也不是什么白雪公主，然而他们的爱情是被祝福的！

He chosen the Disney land just to give her an unforgettable and a very memorable moment, just to get down on his knee and propose to her over a thousand of people to be witnessed the “planned proposal”! Lol, I just can’t imagine how happy and touched my dear friend felt about but I truly happy for her! You both such a perfect match from heaven, this is a blessing from our Lord father!

他，给了她一个童话里的爱情，他说为你戴上幸福。。看着朋友的感动，我哭了。。原来童话故事是会在现实中发生的！我是真的感觉到你的幸福，也与你一样深深的体会着这一份喜悦！我的好姐妹，你总于得到了你真正的幸福，他一直以来都这么的爱着你，这不是选择，这是上天的恩赐！

你的幸福，让我学懂了，就算曾经被伤害过的人，也可以摆脱阴影，重新追求所谓的幸福！朋友，你真的做到了。。因为被伤害过，所以更学会了珍惜！而真正爱你的他，会给你一辈子都不变的爱情！祝福你们恩恩爱爱到永远！

p.s.因为，被伤害过，所以才了解什么是幸福！

Everyday I count my blessing ~

经历－

虽然我没有一个很童话的童年，自开始有记意的时候，便开始懂得这世界的残酷，小小的  心灵，几乎每一天都还怕会不会有明天？生命受威协，但我感谢上帝，赐我开朗的性格，也常是家人朋友的开心果，他们说我“吵”。。嘻！（我知道他们都爱这样的我！把阴影留在那，自己依然可以画上那一道彩虹。。）

家庭－

虽然我不出生于一个富裕的家，但我感谢上帝，他给了一个让我真正了解什么是真爱的家！真爱是无价的！

学业－

虽然我没能顺顺利利的大学毕业，但至少您让我考极格我所不喜欢的科目！也感谢，您派了一位人间天使，让我有第二次读书的机会！

健康－

自小些少生病，有点儿天生天养的；虽然近年来，身体常流血，变本加厉得让人有点担忧，但我感谢上帝没有赐予多余疼痛，我还可以支掌得到。。上帝，如果这是回天国必须经过的过程，我会欣然接受。。只是，别让爱我的人们感伤太久，我会心疼！让我完成在世间的任物后，才回家，可以吗？

这一次是我第三次恳求您，我祷告，你可以延长我在世间的时光。。

第一次，      我以为得到了绝症，害怕是真的，我没有就医，只有诚心的向您祷告，哭着向您要回我的生命。。结果，您给回了我热爱的生命！

第二次，      我得一个无法被证实的怪病，经常头疼，眼疼的，那时候的我，只要是没带药出门，就不安心！我再次向您祷告，当我开始对医学界绝望时，是您把我医好了！我有了从生的希望！

第三次，      这一次，我被诊断出有妇科毛病，虽有世间天使的医疗，但却没有一天是不流血的，我该怎么办？这一次，您会叫天使带我走吗？我是真的有点不舍。。是不是我真的就要提早回去天父的身边？虽然在世受了好多委屈，但我很珍惜您让我在这世间走一回！（如果真的要回了，我可不可以要有个小小的要求？我希望下一次，我真的可以在天果那儿从遇每一位我不舍得的他们？）

最后，我也向您祷告，去医治那位受了伤的人间天使！看着他一天天的变瘦瘦的，我难免不会心疼。。您把他的痛苦都拿走好吗？但记得把他留在世上，因为他比我拥有更重大的任物要办！

感情－

虽然我爱上了一个不爱我的人，但就因为这样，所以我才真正感受到被爱是幸福的。。有个人，就算我忘了全世界，忽略他，他依然把我放在他心里。。（我有感动！）上帝，如果可以，我不要选择，我害怕我太瞎，我害怕嫁错郎！缘份，我交给上帝，我没有勇气，我相信您会赐予良缘！

神，会创造好的事情，没有到最后，谁都不会看到结局。。

Covenant with God!

Life has its ups and downs, and things may not be easy perhaps, not all the time.

At times, you got frustrated on why god has put you in such a situation yet you were struggling hard to find out the answer!

However, I truly believe that one day or later, we will see it. It’s kind of tiring to have had deal with a person who cares only his own world, it’s even worse when people tend to switch your good intention to the bad ones!

For every stage of life, I accepted all that you’ve granted us, believing that this is a challenge of life that everyone of us have to endure and will get stronger even after a stormy day. Lord, I pray hard that you give me patience, and not to lose faith towards thing that I m holding on for so long!

Lord, if this is your will, please sends me guidance so that I can obey your words. Give me a strong personality to handle task that is my destined to do and give me a light hope that I’m doing the right thing.

It’s really never easy at time like this, it’s not right for me to make any move either forward or backward, I m not in the right mood to do this. Please guide me through the toughest path in my down side. It’s really hurtful to get so many times of degrading treatment. Please grant me a definite firm heart that can really make up a very wise decision and please give me a new life.

Please get me out of a situation that I’ve covenanted with if that is not within your crown’s order. You are the one who can justify the best decision in my life so could you please do it and hold me out from the grey area that is struggled much!

p.s. It’s okay to love someone who don’t love us as God loves us all and taught us to be the loving kind. And appreciate the person whose really cares and loves you as he is the one that god has sent to ease the burden on earth and make life a little worthwhile to live with. 

我的未来只是一个梦？

虽然医生说过我的近况很好，可是今天，不知名的血又流了许多。。

人生或许是短暂的，我的未来只是一个梦？

我好像心痛了好久，我是真的很痛。。

心灵上的痛我可以忽略，但肉体上的痛，我很难假装没感觉！

有时候，我真的知道我察觉的是什么，只是我没有勇气面对。。

逃避不是我要的，可是我却如此懦弱。。

有时候，不该懂我的人，太懂我。。

我会害怕，害怕我会爱上一个不懂我的人，而这样一直后悔下去。。

上帝，如果世上的医生都无法医治我。。

那我可以寻求您的怜皿吗？

我无助，无奈，无言。。无法不痛！

Only if...

Only if I'm granted with a pair of eyes that can look into the far future, I wouldn't be struggling right here! I'm not a risk taker, however I do hold a heart that curious about the near future. If I don't give way to the 1st step and when can I finish my race?

To be frank, how many of us are the real and firm decision maker? I can never be one! However, in life there are a lot of thing that we need to make decision on, and if there is an one wrong step and it might destroy the desired future! So, how can us be firm? But there is a saying, destiny is in our own hands, decision maker is always us, YES, is us that have to make that crucial decision to make life goes on. 

Before any decision making, that's never an easy way to go! You can never escape, it's either you make your decision or you don't deserve your dream future. Lost in the middle of the cross road, and it will never brings you anywhere. Eventually things are easy to say but it is never easy to work out. Though it's difficult but still this is life and we need to do what we ought to be done! 

Dear lord, please granted me a wise mind and a calm soul, so that I can walk into the path that you're mean for me. 

*cross finger* this time I have to pray hard, as I've got a pair of beautiful eyes that don't see things that God can see. God, please be mercy, and guide me. Amen.

星星说。。

要在一起一辈子，就要与一个心疼您的人！因为不心疼你的人，不会理会您的感受，会以语言为刀杀害您，您或许可以活到老，可是心却已早死，那又何必？因为人在机场，所以眼泪不得不hold住！

没有，遗憾！

有些路，是一定要走的。。 当你还可以微笑面对的时候， 我很心慰！ 因为有些事情还是不知道的好。。 至少你知道曾经有个人是多么认真的爱过你，那就够了！：） z

沉默，是一种宁可！

长大以后，再也不会那么轻易的跌倒，
但是怎么心灵却要跌得如此坎坷？

我，

选择了沉默，

是因为不想再对我不在乎的人诉苦！

当你伤得很撤底的时候，

你会很厌恨自己为何曾经那么的琅狈过？

ExtraOrdinarily unexpected..

Tonight, I finally get to rest my hand to less writing. My lil finger was cut out of nowhere and I had no idea when was it happen and how was it caused? I doubt is this a god's will for me to time my hand from doing the hasle work on the paper?

It's been tortured the whole noon that I force the finger to bend so that I can continue on my notes doing, and it makes the injured part break off further, sigh! At the moment like this, I really couldn't to loss the ability to write, why was it happened on my right hand?!

It was all happened in yesterday. A not-so-good-day for me then. I mean I can feel nothing until someone who seen the blood stain and told that my finger was bleeding. As it was stained on the finger for quite some time, so I washes it off the injured part and it get started to feel really hurt and kept on bleeding. They try to pour some medicated oil onto the injured part and it stops the bleed.

The staffs there were so helpful and kind to lend me a needy hand. They praised that I can stand the pain so well! Ah ha, I'm indeed a tough gal! =P I hardly show people the weaken part of myself, it's the environment and growing up that make us strong!

Come to think about it, I don't noticed that I was injured until someone has notified me and I started to feel the pain. It goes the same way as in life, I used to ignore the inner voice of myself, until someday, someone has cheered me enough, and only I realised I was actually being not happy for a long long time. I was long to really laughed out loud the real-self! 

Lots of worries and burdens are way too heavy at the moment, be calm, I have to overcome it this time. Perhaps thank God for sending me home on earth. God is great to do the favor and I believe one day HE will send me home up there to be with him too.

Lastly, the cut on the flesh triggered the pain on eyes and hurt in heart. Yes, I'm holding a broken heart. I see a horrible life of my future. I need to make a change from the stupid mindset. It worths nothing from holding on. This time the mind and the heart are clicks! So it is the time, I have to climb up back. Pick up the broken pieces and fix it back to the origin. Even a dog cries for his/her owner and what's am I waiting for?

p.s. There is indeed a deep cut that awake me from an unwanted future!

God's summon!

This post is a delayed post which was supposed to be written last week. However due to the overwhelming schedule, no mercy to squeeze time a little.

Today, I wanted to post on a talk given by pastor Chew on 2 weeks ago! As for custom, I used to seek guidance in the church whenever I'm in the mist in life. So it always happened that I can successfully seek it from God during the so many services. Thank god, you're great!

Thing was buggling upon my head for the past few weeks, I got some concern on health. I knew I needed god's guidance so much on how to cope with unavoidable pain in life. While I'm looking forward to go to church and there were so many obstacles and finally I got to manage to attend the church on the last two Saturday! And that's my very last Sat at the SIB, KL, cause I'm moving away from the city for good and god has answered my prayer! The talk that day was about "How do you response in your hard time?" "Pain is inevitable; miserable is optional!" This is really the one topic that was indeed hit me. I'm long to hear this!

Many of us prayed and asked why would this thing or that thing happened to us while we're all the time doing good? It's even worse when some Christians asked why would god let's bad thing happen upon them? Pastor said, do u think that you're a christian and you don't have to die? No! In fact, everyone of us will be going to face death one day. He said, don't blame anything or everything and don't blame god! When you're in your hard time, do response and not react. It is the inner posture that leading to a favourite long term result!

Alternatively, please ask god what is HIS purpose?

Romans 8:28 - All things work together for good to them who love HIM and who are called according to his purpose.

He reminds us that God will never leave us nor forsake us. We have to understand that God has a purpose behind it. So seek for it. Understand that pain/trial tribulation are part of God's perfect will! You needed to be patient during your trying time, as patience endurance; steadfastness perseverance, God more focus on your character! So, be strong, stay strong, don't give up and seek for god's love.

http://youtu.be/GC5uk_Gw1rA

Yes, Jesus is the centre of it all. When it is darkest moment God does his deepest work! Yes, some pain is inevitable, endure it and seek for God's purposes. Lord, you're the healing God! Lord, I don't understand why does this pain occured and please pardon me, I pray to see your true purpose upon a painful sickness in within.  Lord, you're the healing God! Please heal the sick men and let them be healed by you! Shape us with a strong build character to cope with the pain by your means. We shall see sunshine and we shall feel your love for us all!

p.s.

Just trust God!

He who has delivered us,

He will deliver us,

He will continue deliver us.

Trust God who raises the dead!

Eye lid skipping!

Heard that this might not be a good sign and it's indeed true that all shits coming along its way though. The eye lid has been skipping for the past few days and i'm now in the trouble!

Been insomnia for so many nights and tonight that's even worse! Other problem let's put aside, I can't make my head any burdened now, was fainted in the afternoon in the office but thank god that it don't gives a big harm, i'm awake back! (reason? guess when god wanna bring me home and that's my time to be cheer)

I've own this really stupid "pah lia" car - Perodua Viva! It's been giving me problem ever since i'm owning it Ironically it was a brand new car that gives lousy performance by being a basic car. First, it's the gear box problem and even after 1 year of time, they couldn't even bother to trace out what's the evil inside! Secondly, the car make out some weird sound once in a blue moon whenever you make a corner turn. Then now the car's alarm system is creating problem! The point is the car is only 2 years plus old and started to give problem since 1 year back! What good car they claimed that a VIVA is? I'm seriously having a huge heartache by owning a car as lousy as this!

I just need a peaceful mind while I'm preparing for a battle to comes, somehow, it seems so difficult. It's even unfortunate that at this very moment when I really need some mentally support, and I've been kept in denial. Lord, this life is full of challenges, I do really need more strength to carry forward.

Tonight, another disappointment night, I will just stay until the service shop open in the morning. I'm all with a broken heart. Just need to be tough and get healed. Y.Y *pray*

p.s. When bad things happen, you see the right one stay and others gone! 

Go away pls!

Somehow, I believe that I cannot keep too many inside, and truly glad that here is the only place that I can lash out at, perhaps on some particular matter..

If everything else allowed, I would really love to shout out loud at your face :

You fcking beggar! Don't keep on "reporting" to me the every single damn day because I don't fcking care and if you can please get out the hell of me!!!

Huge THANK if you never return again (I'm praying so hard) because you're such an irritating, annoying, disturbing guy! Please be a man and fck off!

p.s. Don't act smart! you're just not my cup of tea and please roll yourself far far away!

不要乞讨爱情!

时光不留人，专眼间咱们都到了谈婚论嫁的年龄。。

「朋友们都结婚去了」，

这首歌是为了80后的我们唱的吗？很恰时的一首好歌！

有些朋友真的天赐良缘，都顺顺力力的娶嫁了。。

然而，也有那正在单身的几位。。

的确没有法律规定什么时候就非嫁娶不可，有的是最底年龄的限制，至少18才可以结婚！

其实都是希望真的有足够思想过后，才可谈婚。。

总之是要想好好才去结那一个婚！

然而多少个单身贵族，还是会因为年龄，而慌了。。

看着别人都主制自己的小家庭，很幸福，很想跟大对，

可是你就有可能随随变变找个人就结了这一辈子的承诺吗？

你会后悔，如果您还活着。。

我们难到是为了大众而活吗？

如果真的要这样随变，

那么此生真的白过了。。

不急，不急，能急得了的就不能成大事！

那个对的人还在迷宫找寻着向您走的方向。。

朋友说的确要找个你很爱，而他又很爱你的人好难。。

我说，这就是难能可贵嘛！

所以，真的不要因为害怕年龄，

而牺牲了自己原有的幸福！

更不要卑薇的去乞求爱情，

因为乞讨回来的不是爱情！

忘了结婚那件事，不被施压。。

那只不过是法律上的证明，

其实真正对爱情认真的人，

没有那一个所谓的证书，

一样会守护住那难能可贵的缘份！

所以，你要记得你单身，

那是因为你的选择，

直到那个真正的他、她出现。。你才肯罢休！（才对！）

想太多，不完美！

看着她眼角的泪，我很感伤，无助也无言。。

她的悲伤，真的把我拉回从前。。

那一股痛，我想这一辈子都难忘记。。

就像破悴的玻璃，重拾还能完美吗？

背叛，

是谁下的魔咒？

它让多少人自暴自弃？

让多少人悔不当初？

让多少人悔了青春，一辈子，甚至一个生命？

唯有打开心结，才可以重新站起来！

有些疤痕，真的是会永不消失的。。

痛是可以渐渐淡化的。。生命可以再更精彩！

只能期望不会再有那一些不忠的人再一次在旧伤口上洒盐！

只要不贪览，选择了就坚忠到低，真的好难吗？

如果真的还没能看好，那就先不要下赌注。。

因为有些东西，是一辈子都睹不起的！

啊，男人女人，要忠诚啊！

你问：“为什么天下的女人都喜欢坏男人啊？”

我很想说，我们都以为我们爱的都是好男人！

可惜最后却不是。。原来只是给爱情蒙骗了双眼！

当你又问我，那好男人与坏男人，你会选谁？

我说：“我从都不曾真正知道我爱上的是否是个好男人？”

我，真的可以选吗？

你说我是幸运的，然而我只能微笑回应。。

在我心里，我真的期求这一次我可以真的很幸运的幸福着。。

如果一颗心，就像这样的玻璃。。你说再给重重的一个打击，后果会怎样？

p.s.人生短暂，只做对的事情，不算太多吧？

即不伤人也不伤己。。爱情，是用爱心来营造的！

结束很ｉｎｄｅｐｅｎｄａｎｔ的日子!

在外流浪旧了，就会想回家，这是真的！

时光不等人啊。。转眼间，就已经六年了，但我依然很年轻 ＝ｐ

说实在的，每一个在外独自生活的人，有那一个没有吃过苦头？

年少时候的我，就是个活跃份子，很向往那个可以独来独往，不受约束的生活，

然而尝试多年了这样的日子，心虽然很自由，但灵却往往是寂寞的。。

在外生活旧了，我更懂得亲情的可贵，因为距离，有聚就会有离，所以我学会了珍惜！

在外真心的朋友，就会像兄弟姐妹般的，守望相助，我们一起欢笑，一起哭闹的日子，有您们的陪伴，您们的恩惠，我永记心中。。您们的友宜是无价的！

也很感恩，第一次的第一份工，就遇见了贵人，他是个很棒，很好心地的老板，善解人意，又慈悲，如果不是他，我不会拥有一般佳绩与见视！

也因为独自生活，

我学会了：（书本上学不到的）

几样拿手好菜，下次就能称得上：“进得橱房，出得厅堂了”！

除此，还学会了换灯泡，修理家器，修厕所的小小工程。。很有一手之技！

待人处事的道理，要礼上往来，更懂得辨别，谁是好人，谁不是！

勇敢，打倒所有那些很可怕的昆虫；刻服对黑暗的恐惧，也战服心中的孤寂！

防备之心不可无，提高个人保护的醒觉意思。。

实行了自己跌到，自己爬的真实名句。

也体会到了忍一时风平浪静的真理。

从此，我不再须要：

一个人逛街，一个人煮菜，一个人吃饭，一个人对着电视发呆。。

一个人对着镜子诉苦，哭泣。。

害怕打死昆虫，后又迟迟不敢入睡。。

害怕黑夜的黑而不能安心入睡。。

孤独，孤单。。

塔上无数次的飞机与长途巴士，来会南北大道，

也不必在机上因为不舍得而默默的流泪，

装坚强，生病了，还要装着不病的声音在电话上报平安，

也不须压欲着眼泪，其实我很想念在电话那头的你们。。

那么独力，很累！

但是，我也会想念：

这儿陪我一起成长的朋友。。您们很棒！

那些一起高歌起舞，一起看演唱会，一起开夜车，一起吃喝玩乐，一起在异乡庆祝大节日；

也会很怀念，我们常到的“高佬”ｍａｍａｋ档，谈心说情，直到深夜。。你们永远是最好的倾述对像，没有一刻不爱你们！

还有一起很疯逛的到云顶去吹吹冷风。。漫无目地，轻松自在的。。

想起那些没有经济压力的日子，真开心！

也因为有了你们的陪伴，我的生活才那么年轻有活力！

谢谢你们，写到这里，我就已经很想哭了。。。。。。。。。。。

爸说我是个ｓｕｐｅｒｈｅｒｏ－ｌｉｎｇ，其实我是装的！装着很坚强，是为了减少您们对我的担心。 现在可以不用在装了，就好像把心口大石给丢了似的！

这个灯，那天我爬得高高的，爬上爬下的，装了好旧，总于从见光明！希望以后我都可以不要再做这样的粗工！这把灯，就拿来祝福你和我，照着我们，让我们前途一遍光明！

p.s.有开心，也有许多不舍，人生嘛，就是会有欢聚欢散。。唯有珍惜与记得常连络噢！

Lil transformation !

It’s so true to learn from others’ experience than to pay a big price for a lesson!

If you have ever notice, there are actually a lot of useful sources surrounding us, what we get to do is just to seek for it and follow.

For a person who likes to figure out for every single reason for why things happened, I used to do thing my own way and I can barely listen. It is the own went through experience that satisfied a curious soul inside. However, this couldn’t be much wise and cost to pay sometimes unexpectedly high. Hence I’ve transform my mind to be less-rigid!

Still remembering the moment when I was so close to the depression corner, suddenly a voice wakes me up!

“ U change yourself before you want the worse situation to change to be a better one.”

The above inspiration quote really enlightens me! Amen.

For the ever time I’m trying to adopt the approach and it succeed a bit the later on, that’s what count and I am now got more courage to grow in a right spiritual way of living. Thanks god!

When I’ve change my very rigid perspective on how I see thing, I see many wonderful things in life! you know it worthwhile when you are not being taken for granted! Thanks for letting me know I can always count on you and for sure you can count on me too.

Though miles break us apart, but the affection never decreases! Whenever I miss you and I look like this, looking up high and far through the window and praying that you’re appearing on the eyesight soon! I'm wishing silently inside me, that day will come .. =)

p.s. Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart! - Kay Knudsen

Blissful Tears ~

I was away for the weekend to go back to the island and gathered with those people that I love. Times spent were very precious to me as I was only allowed to be there in such a short period. I do treasure every moment spent with them and what’s count the most is the quality of time.

However it is always time to leave and no matter how much reluctance inside, separation is unavoided in life. That’s the cruelty part of the reality, face it! Due to the overwhelming jam on the highway, my arrival back to the city was unexpectedly delayed and reached on the mid night. Skipped my dinner and starved on the bus. (p.s. thanks to Meow's sweet reminder for taking something light before I get on to the bed, that’s so sweet!)

I got down from the coach and standing in the waiting path for pick up all alone. However, I couldn’t be physically alone there because I was accompanied by strangers on the street!

Imagine it is already 1a.m in the mid night and my good friend J who insisted to wait me for the whole night coming to pick me up! This really triggered my tears and they rolls down uncontrollably from my eyes. Additionally my poor dad has to wait for me to reach home safely before he can get on the bed. I have tried to call him and asked him to sleep first while I’m waiting for my good friend and he assured me that he don’t sleep that “early” (while the next day he has to work). Once again, my dad insisted to wait until I have reached home safely then only he goes to bed. I’m so touching indeed! Thanks DAD! It blurred my eyesight immediately. Though I’m afraid and all the time lonely but I’m loved!

These two people really made me cried yesterday night before I get to go to my dreamland. Finally, it makes me to realize that what’s love truly called. Love doesn’t only come from a boy/girl’s relationship. Family is our core and they are the people that never abandon us. However I’m lucky enough to have found a very best friend J in life, she just did everything for me like a family members do! She is like being one of my family members while I’m far away from home. She is taking good care of me, lending me good hands all this while without any complain! What else more can I ask other than being thankful?

I really thank God for sending extra family member for me in this lifetime! I treasure our friendship a lot and thank you so much Jas! =) Thanks to my dear papa and mama and everyone who loves me out there!

p.s. I cried out of touching moment and you guys are really great people! I HEART u all with all I can, really! ;)

爱，在心里，口难开!

光阴似剑，一专眼，一个星期就，没了！

人，总有悲欢离合，很想念上个星期妈来这儿到访的时光！

被病魔纠搀有两个星期了。。今天总于恢复当日的活力，感谢主！要拥有开心的心情，人也更健康，今天总于领悟。。

三月

是我的生日！那又怎样？看了以下，您就懂：

第一个星期，兴高采烈的与宝贝度生日，人逢喜事精神爽！

第二个星期，离别多少会有伤感，加上天气不佳，发起高烧，总于忍到放工，独自跑去见医生，医生说再过三天不能好，那就得去验血。。驾车回家途中，眼泪失控的流出，不是害怕死亡，而是在外一个人生活，不简单，我是多么多么的想念您们！！自问我还有多少时间可以给您们？

第三个星期，以为可以很健康的迎接妈的到来，可是我还是好不起来。。但心中还是很开心，有妈的到来，真好！再次，她与阿姨们陪同我去见第二次的医生，我不但失声，病况不佳，所以药物加强了。。

谁知妈才回去的第二天，我尽然食物中毒。。那天早上，四支无力，呕泄不停，唯一的手还可以拨打电话求救。。忍了大约一小时，以为就会这样死去的时候，好友总于出现，救了小妹一命，她耐心的等待，细心的服喂我药，我真的感激十分，此生有这样的好友，是我的福气！

妈知道后，很担心的，又想飞回来一趟，好让我有人照料，我听了哭得不能自己，有个爱母心切的母亲，我真的要很感恩。。依然坚定的心告诉妈，我不痛了。。（只是不想说事实，说得越痛，那她的心就更痛！）妈，我没事的，这里有姑姑在，她会帮您照顾我。。试问世界上有那一个妈妈不心疼自己的儿女？她每一天都以电话与我联系，说有什么事，都得告诉家人，不然他们会焦急！然而我每一天都感动得默默流泪，还得装坚强的说，我没事了，但却不敢告诉她，我是真的好爱她！！

一句我爱你，跟一个你很爱的人说，很难吗？确实在华人传统教育的习俗，真的是：“爱在心里口难开啊！”我与妈，相隔几百个公厘，我不说，她懂得吗？我想这动听的我爱你，我要去学会表达，不然会是个在有生之年的遗罕！

那一天，妈又问了，一个人在这儿生活，不闷吗？如果我说好孤独，时时刻刻都念着家，不是让妈更心疼吗？结果，我又再次的扮坚强的说，才不会闷呢，我每天都很忙于工作，周末又得上课，没有多余时间孤独。。这她才安心！毕竞她也是个过来人，那一个人会在一个人的空间，没有心灵上的空虚？只是她不去猜穿我坚强的一颗心。。外表越显坚强的人，心灵越是悴弱，有谁不想有人疼？有谁不想有个伴？

世事并没有想像中的完美，但愿一却能够顺顺利利，让我早日与家人，爱人们同团圆！

从中也领悟到为什么他总是那么坚定的对我说，你要习贯，有什么好想念的？很快你就有得回家团圆。。因为他一定要在我面前坚强，做我的精神支助，这样我才不会崩溃。。

然而，我两都是华教子弟，爱在心里口难开啊！我们都有堂课要上，学着对很爱的人说：“我爱你！”

p.s.“我爱你”这句话，是给有距离的心灵有了更大的推动力，有勇往直前的劲！

''I'm still loving you''

Birthday on Mac 2012!

Yay, this post is especially dedicated to my love and only one! =) By him be by my side, and you can always see the sunshine smiling on ma face! ^.^* Thank God for bringing the people I do really praying for - that's him!

On a day like this, I'm special. Oh ya, I feel special only because someone has remember that's my day and get to celebrate together! Thanks darling, for the very romantic and expensive meal and u've made it an unforgettable moment to be last a lifetime! Thank you so much and I truly love you to the max!! I do really looking forward for our next catch up and I wish so much I don't have to send you away and cried myself to drive home.. that's sad, really heart brokenly sad.. However we just need to be patient a lil more, rainbow awiz comes after a raining storm day! :')

xoxoxoxo..

Beside that, I'm thankful that I was born this day and huge thanks to my mom, the lovely woman who has sacrificed so much since the day I was born, and of course not forgetting the loving dad as well! I love both my parents and family. Oh ya, thanks for the ang pow! I'll surely get yours blessing throughout the year. Other than having you guys, I got nothing much to ask for. Yours love and tender care will be remembered forever and hope to see you all soon, I pray hard!! ( I wanna go back so eagerly, for God know how much pain & sorrow deep down inside to be in a place without your love ones Y.Y)

As everyone wishes upon my birthday wishes come true and here I do really hope that all of them will come true asap! LOL, I'm not being greedy but on a birthday, we all do really own a privilege to make wishes come true! (Yes, believe and you'll get it!)

p.s. Lord, you know the best and U deliver the best! Amen!

Little childhood's melody ~

池塘邊的榕樹上　知了在聲聲叫著夏天
操場邊的鞦韆上　只有蝴蝶停在上面
黑板上老師的粉筆　還在拼命嘰嘰喳喳寫個不停
等待著下課　等待著放學　等待遊戲的童年

福利社裏面什麼都有　就是口袋裏沒有半毛錢
諸葛四郎和魔鬼黨　到底誰搶到那支寶劍
隔壁班的那個女孩　怎麼還沒經過我的窗前
嘴裏的零食　手裏的漫畫　心裏初戀的童年

沒有人知道為什麼　太陽總下到山的那一邊
沒有人能夠告訴我　山裏面有沒有住著神仙
多少的日子裏　總是一個人面對著天空發呆
就這麼好奇　就這麼幻想　這麼孤單的童年

總是要等到睡覺前　才知道功課只作了一點點
總是要等到考試以後　才知道該唸的書都沒有唸
一寸光陰一寸金　老師說過寸金難買寸光陰
一天又一天　一年又一年　迷迷糊糊的童年
一天又一天　一年又一年　盼望長大的童年

p.s. somehow while im listening to this sweet song, my heart is going back to the past childhood! HOW I WISH I COULD TURN BACK TIME AND BE A CHILD with a cheeky smile on the little face that never fade away? (I'm bitter inside u knw we can't never go back)

By listening to it and only realizing that we've all grown up speedily and by carrying a complicated heart & thoughts that make our life even sour more and forgetting what is the basis happiness that we used to have since young!

It's a chilling song by the way, by listening to it might shoo away the sorrow attached..

and this has pop up on my mind:

- a child can be happy easily by a lil sweet given; while an adult don't feel satisfied even he/she owns a banglo!

- a child can forgive their playmates/ siblings easily; while an adult don't forgive their friends over a misbehavior/ misunderstanding..

- a child with almost zero knowledge could make their life happy go lucky; while a successful adult who is able to manage a whole prosperous business couldn't make a happy life..

Why would a child with the minima strength can do the basic thing in life - to be happy; while a complete grown up adult couldn't even give a real smile?

That's so pathetic to have grow up!

However, when life get u fedup, pls learn like a child,

wake up the next day and forgetting what has happening the previous day,

SMILE, and sleep well, and tomorrow is always a better day! =)

Hey, do enjoy the song and let's sing together ---------> and back to the childhood! *grins*

Happy Belated Birthday !

Sincerely wish you Happy Belated Birthday! (belated post up of the birthday's song as per custom! =P)

Eh, a cheecky monkey whistling a birthday song to u lehh, happy?

Though I don't like people whistling, never once I like. Somehow u love to whistling around to annoy my ears once in a blue moon and get scolded! But hey since, it's yr birthday, so it is okay to whistling around once in a year on your special big day! Here u go love, whistling.. whistling..Happy Birthday!!

Lots of blessing, lots of love, lots of good wishes coming your way ~

p.s. sorry but yay I'm from alien!

我不願 讓你一個人..

有些话，无法说出口，可是歌却唱得很贴切。。

谢谢你，我都听到了。。很心疼的一首曲子，听了就会哭泣。。真的疼了。。

有些爱，是注定没有结果的。。有些人很认真的去爱，却不会属于我们。。

你曾安蔚自己，在这世界上，不是所有你要的东西，你就会得到。。

嗯，我想命运就是如此。。可悲，你爱的，不爱你，爱你的，你不爱！

便听这曲子，便哭的，我答应自己这是最后一次的哭泣，

也希望你也和我一样，哭过了，从此不许你再一个人。。你，最好要幸福！！

p.s. 你是个好男人，我没有这个福份。。

朋友们都结婚去了～

小小的时候，虽然我不懂什么叫做婚姻，但是我懂结婚就是两个相爱人在一起，会到白头到老！

我一直都相信童话故事是会发生在人间的，所以常常都会去画些让人一看到就很想穿上的婚纱。。很可惜到最后却不是个婚纱设计师！但这一个纯真的相信直到长大后还是有。。

我一直都这么人为，每个女人都是公主；然而男人是王子，每一个人总有一天一定会找到他们注定那一位！我真的相信，只要相信，就会遇到。。虽然已经历了好几次的伤害，但那一颗已经破悴的心已然很坚定，傻吗？

就因为有童话般的相信，所以每当一个个好友结婚时，我都会有那一股冲动，感动的流泪。。我很感动她们终于找到自己的王子，那是可遇不可求的幸福！为她们开心，也忠心祝福我很爱的她们！

最近，有一个好友才嫁人去了。。我们在台上为她唱这首“分享”的歌时，都在台上哭得不能自己。。说真的，很不舍得嫁得离我们远远的。。很心疼。。尤其是当她和她家人告别时，我们都哭了。。也情不自禁的流了好多好多的泪，把自己当成是她一样的伤心，要永远离开最亲的爸妈，离开自小的那一个家！

那时候的我很有感触，在想，做女人真的好苦，如果不够坚强，就会以泪洗脸。。女人，为了要与相爱的人在一起，却要面对着离开一直以来都很爱我们的家人。。很残忍！是谁定下了这一个在大喜之日，却又很感伤的局面？看到这个局面，看到朋友结婚就会哭的人，以后如果真的会有嫁人的一天，我会是个最好哭的新娘。。想到就很心疼！我想，身为妈妈的真的会很不舍得，很好心疼。。我要改变要有女儿的想法了，我不能一次次的去承受这样的苦！有得选，就好！

结婚，对认真的人来说，是件终生大事，是需要极大的勇气去做决定啊！生活中，很多时候，很多事情都由不得我们去选择，唯有自己的王子、公主可以是自己选的。。虽然说茫茫人海中，我们的选择的确多了，但还是须要命运的安排赐良缘！我一直都很相信缘份。。如果不是，我们的肉眼是不会让我们遇见属于我们真正的另一半！

我，很佩服朋友们的勇气。。因为一直以来我就只有相信，却不敢有任何的勇气。。是我受拙了很多，或是那一个他还没有出现？如果他是真的，那么就会有那么的一天，他会给予你那一股勇气去做那样的大决定。。未来是个未知数，我现在tumpang朋友们的HAPPY就很好！祝福我爱的姐妹们，也祝福自己，嘻！

这首歌唱出了心声，我，不在你心里。。

p.s.真正疼爱你的人是不会让你伤心流泪的，然而女人就是只会为她们真正爱上的人落泪。。随缘就好，太多的眼泪很伤身！真的要好好修一修那一颗破烂的心，重新像她们一样得到上帝的良缘！