Flying off..

I used to dislike people leaving off, especially from me..

I used to think that the one who stay must be suffering more than the one who are leaving;

And now I started to hate myself for flying off and leaving my love ones behind..

It never feels good!

I’m so sorry if I ever blame you for leaving..

Now, I’ve finally realized that we will never understand others situation until we have put ourselves into their shoes.

Nowadays, my parents used to be the ones to send me off at the airport or at the bus station, And whenever I saw them waving hand on me and saying goodbye and my heart started crying in silence! I waved at them with full strength but inside me was attached with a weak soul to carry out the strength to wave! It’s sad, very sad to leave them both behind. I believe that they are sad too! :'( Even worse, I got so many people there in the island to be missed about, how can I do this all alone here at the different land and under the different sky?

Although the distance is so near but yet it seems so far. However, it’s too costly to travel back that often! How not to be sad and what so to be excited about while the frequency to see them become less?

I’ve always asked for the freedom I wanted and now they have given me and it seems too much for me right now. Yes, I’m a soul that haunt for lots and lots of freedom and I’ve got my own choice of pick as always but then I never wanted to be alone! That’s so scary! I thank my parents for being so understanding and letting me to pursue my dream out there. I appreciate their care and thought and scarification very much yet I feel so reluctantly to leave. But I am always strong in front of them, and I never ever really tell them, yes I’ve always missed them, missed home, and missed the island! I’ve to be so independent in front of them to minimize their worries toward me. It’s kind of a tough task to me as I can never be so independent yet I’ve survived all these years. I believe that is god’s strength that keeping me up! Once again, my parents have hand me the decision key but I never good at making decision, to be exact, I never really have the courage to go for what I've always wanted without thinking of my love ones..

The island is so lovely is because of all of you people there, staying! I miss you guys real much! Once I’ve reach the other land and tears are so uncontrollably rolling off.. God, what is this suffering to do with me on my future? Why are you putting me in a situation such as this? I prayed in silence and I hope YOU can grant me wisdom to handle the thing that is out of my ability.

I miss the people on the island, dearly!! Especially you!

p.s. Don’t keep me guessing, if you love me, tell me..